Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
