Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
