Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
