I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
