This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
