Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
