i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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