i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
