Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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