my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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