I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
