Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
