Can i not drive my cunt home
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
