Buhtt sex?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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