Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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