I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
