Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize