i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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