I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
