So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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