My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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