bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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