I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
