Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
