Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I deserve this hangover.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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