You made me cry and you don't even care
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize