bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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