After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
