dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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