I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
