She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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