I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
