I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
