The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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