I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
