I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
