I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
