I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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