And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He felt like a one man threesome
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize