Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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