Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
