UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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