my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
