Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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