I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
