i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
