he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize