She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
