You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
