I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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