I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize