thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
