Need sex. Gaining weight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Help. Why am I so naked?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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