apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
