I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize