I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
