I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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