There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
