Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
