you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
