Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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