I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
