I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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