After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
