I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize